I Lived the Porn Addiction Cycle — Here’s My Honest Take

Posted bykienernewton

I wish this wasn’t my story. But it is. I’m Kayla, and I’m going to be real about how the cycle grabbed me, how it kept me, and what finally helped me slow it down. It’s tender stuff. It’s also plain life.

For anyone who wants the blow-by-blow version of that journey, I laid it all out here: I Lived the Porn Addiction Cycle — Here’s My Honest Take.

The Loop I Kept Falling Into

I thought I was in control. I wasn’t. Here’s how the cycle felt for me, most days:

  • The Hook: a cue. Bored. Lonely. Stressed. Phone in hand.
  • The Build: racing thoughts. “Just five minutes.” Heart up. Mind buzzing.
  • The Scroll: click, scroll, click. Time melts. One tab turns to ten.
  • The Crash: shame, fear, fog. My chest tight. My gut heavy.
  • The Promise: “Never again.” Until the next cue hits.

Sounds simple. It wasn’t. It felt like quicksand. The more I fought alone, the faster I sank.

Back when I was clicking almost every single day, I kept asking myself if that automatically meant I was “addicted.” I wrestled with the question in this piece: Is Watching Porn Every Day an Addiction?.

Three Real Days I Still Remember

I’m not proud. I am honest.

  • Tuesday, 10:40 p.m.: I fought with my partner. I sat on the floor with my phone. I told myself I needed a break. I searched, clicked, and zoned out for 90 minutes. I slept at 1:30 a.m. I woke up late, sore and sad, and snapped at a coworker in a stand-up. That part hurt more than the lost sleep.

  • Saturday, 8:15 a.m.: I was home alone. The house felt too quiet. I made coffee and opened social apps. A suggestive clip slid into my feed. I followed it to sites I knew I should block. “Just five minutes” became an hour. I lied to a friend about why I missed brunch. That lie stuck in my throat all day.

  • Hotel night, out of town, 11:05 p.m.: Work trip. Gray walls. Weird carpet. I told myself I’d watch one thing, then rest. I didn’t. I closed my laptop at 1 a.m. and felt like a ghost at my meeting the next morning. I left early and cried in a bathroom stall. Not pretty, but true.

You know what? I hated it. I also loved the numb part. That was the trap.

What Made It Worse (For Me)

Let me explain what fed the loop:

  • Late nights and no plan for my phone
  • Alcohol (even one drink lowered my guard)
  • Stress plus hunger (HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired)
  • Big wins or big losses (both pushed me to “treat” myself)
  • Travel days and hotel rooms
  • Endless feeds that suggest spicier stuff
  • Review hubs like Wild Porn Reviews handed me endless “what to watch next” lists, which super-charged my novelty chase and tightened the cycle.

If you’re curious about why the draw can feel especially intense for a lot of men, this first-hand deep dive breaks it down: Why Do Men Get Addicted to Porn?.

Some men I talked to tried to redirect that dopamine chase into actual relationships—sometimes even the sugar-dating kind. If that idea sparks curiosity, here’s a practical walkthrough on how to become a male sugar baby that spells out the etiquette, safety tips, and financial ground rules so you can explore it with your eyes open rather than falling into another blind cycle. A few others skipped the sugar framework entirely and poked around local adult-classified boards—for example, the Backpage New Britain listings—to see who might meet up offline; scanning that hub can give you a real-time feel for what’s available nearby, the going rates, and the red flags to watch for if you’re tempted to take the jump.

Tiny thing, big effect: keeping the phone in bed. It sounds small. It wasn’t.

What Actually Helped Me Slow It Down

I tried many things. Some stuck.

  • Delay and move: I set a 10-minute timer and left the room. If the urge stayed, I took a brisk walk or a cold face splash. The pause broke the spell, not always, but often.

  • Simple script: I said, out loud, “I don’t have to act on this urge.” Short and firm. It felt silly. It worked enough.

  • H.A.L.T. check: Am I hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? I fixed that first—snack, text a friend, quick nap, or a short stretch.

  • Boring barriers:

    • I used BlockSite on my phone to block adult sites and keywords.
    • I had my sister set the passcode. I didn’t know it.
    • Screen Time limits on the phone helped a bit, with a hard “Downtime” at 10 p.m.

  • Accountability: I asked a friend for “nudge only.” No shame, just a check. I’d text “Red light” when I felt shaky. They’d reply, “Step outside; text me in 15.” Simple, human, kind.

  • Therapy notes, not essays: I wrote one line after slips: What was the cue? What did I feel? What’s one better next step? No rants, no beating myself up.

  • Morning phone rule: No phone for the first hour. Alarm lives in the kitchen. Mornings felt less foggy. Urges dropped by lunch, which shocked me.

  • Body first: I lifted light weights, took short runs, or did 10 push-ups when the urge hit. Motion cooled the engine.

One reading resource that was equal parts helpful and frustrating was the popular neuroscience book on the topic; I unpack what landed and what didn’t right here: I Read “Your Brain on Porn”—Here’s What Actually Helped Me and What Bugged Me.

Is it perfect? No. Is it better? Yes. Better is a win.

If you’re after a more structured roadmap, this practical guide on how to recover from porn addiction spells out the core steps many people find helpful.

If you’d rather see how that “better” played out week by week, here’s my full recovery timeline: My Porn Addiction Recovery Timeline—What It Felt Like Week by Week.

Tools I Used (And How They Felt)

I’m rating how they helped me. Your miles may vary.

  • BlockSite: 4/5. Easy to set up. Blocks a lot. I could sometimes get around it, so I had my sister lock it tight.

  • Screen Time (iPhone): 3/5. Helpful, but too easy to change if I’m tired or upset. Works best when someone else holds the code.

  • Covenant Eyes: 5/5 for support; pricey and a bit heavy on shame for me at times. It did keep me honest, though.

  • Forest app: 4/5. Growing a tree while I stay off my phone felt silly—and it still helped.

  • Streaks app: 4/5. Seeing a run of good days gave me a tiny joy boost.

  • Old flip phone weekends: 5/5 for peace, 2/5 for maps and texting. It was rough but clean.

A Weird Truth That Helped

Cravings peak and fade like a wave. Mine lasted 10 to 20 minutes, most times. I used “urge surfing.” Fancy term, simple idea: notice the wave, breathe, watch it rise and fall. I pictured it like I was on a board. I didn’t need to be a hero. I just had to not jump in the rip for a few minutes.

What I Tell Myself Now

  • “It’s a habit, not my whole self.”
  • “I can feel this and not feed it.”
  • “Reach out before, not after.”

I still slip. I slip less. And when I do, I repair fast. That part matters more than I thought.

If You’re Stuck Today

Here’s a tiny starter plan you can do right now:

  • Put your phone in another room. Set a 15-minute timer.
  • Drink water. Eat a real snack if you’re hungry.
  • Step outside or pace the hall. Three slow breaths.
  • Text one safe person a single line: “Hey, can you check in on me in 15?”
  • After the timer, write one sentence: What was the cue?

Small wins stack. Stacked wins change the shape of the day.

My Verdict on the Cycle Itself

If I had to