I’m Kayla. This was hard to live through, and honestly, harder to say out loud. My partner (I’ll call him Mark) and I faced porn addiction head-on. It showed up as impotence. He couldn’t get or keep an erection with me, even though he cared, even though I tried to be patient. We felt alone. We weren’t.
Researchers are still unpacking why excessive porn use can hijack arousal pathways, but a clear rundown from Medical News Today helped me see we weren’t crazy—there’s real science behind the struggle.
Here’s the thing: I review real tools I’ve used. So I’ll keep it simple, real, and kind. Also a bit messy, because that’s how it went.
The awkward start (and the night that broke us a little)
One night, Mark froze. He pulled back, looked ashamed, and said he felt “numb.” Not in his heart. In his body. We tried again a week later. Same thing. He could get aroused when alone with a screen, but not with me. It hurt. It made me angry. Then, guilt. I slept on the couch that night. Not my best move.
The next morning, he told me he was stuck watching porn most nights. He’d been hiding it for years. My stomach dropped. I also felt relief, weirdly. Like, now we knew.
So we made a plan. Not perfect. But a plan. Later, I stumbled onto a brutally honest rundown of how someone else helped her husband with porn addiction, and we stole a few of her ideas.
Tools that actually helped us
If you’re not sure how deep the habit runs, a quick self-check like this porn addiction quiz can set a baseline before you start adding apps.
Brainbuddy (App) — Score: 8/10
- What it did: Daily check-ins, habit tracking, and short lessons on triggers and urges.
- Real moment: On day 12, he wanted to cave after a rough sales call. The app nudged him to a “30-second reset.” He did box breathing, then went for a walk. It wasn’t magic, but it cut the spiral.
- Pros: Easy streaks, clear steps, little dopamine hits that are actually helpful.
- Cons: Can feel cheesy. Notifications got noisy. But we kept the good ones.
Covenant Eyes + Apple Screen Time + CleanBrowsing — Score: 7/10
- What it did: Filtering and an accountability report. We put me and his brother as partners.
- Real moment: He traveled for work on day 19. Hotel Wi-Fi at 11 p.m. The app flagged a risky search. His brother called. That call stopped a slip. I’m grateful.
- Pros: Makes secret clicks harder. Not perfect, but the friction helps.
- Cons: Breaks a few normal sites. Feels invasive at first. Also, set-up took a bit.
Fortify (Education + Exercises) — Score: 7/10
- What it did: Short videos on brain science, triggers, and little “wins” to track.
- Real moment: He watched a clip on the “short-term spike, long-term slump” cycle. He said, “That’s me.” That shift mattered.
- Pros: Clear and kind. Good for people who learn by watching.
- Cons: Some content repeats. But that made it stick.
AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist (Telehealth) — Score: 9/10
- What it did: Weekly sessions, CBT tools, and “sensate focus” (slow touch, zero pressure).
- Real moment: Week 3, homework was “no goals” time. We lit a candle and just held each other. No pressure for erections. He cried. I cried. The shame started to melt.
- Pros: Real progress by week 6. Less fear. Way better talk skills.
- Cons: Pricey. Hard to find appointments. Worth it for us.
Doctor + Tadalafil 5 mg (as needed) — Score: 8/10
- What it did: Helped blood flow while his brain healed.
- Real moment: First two times with it, he felt hope again. That helped more than the pill, if I’m honest.
- Pros: Takes the edge off performance panic.
- Cons: Headaches sometimes. Needs a doctor. Not a fix alone.
Reading a straightforward breakdown of porn-induced erectile dysfunction beforehand also helped him frame the medication as one tool, not a total cure.
Sleep + Lifting + Walks — Score: 9/10
- What it did: Steadier mood, lower urges.
- Real moment: We noticed when he slept under 6 hours, his cravings spiked. With 7–8 hours, mornings got better (you know what I mean).
- Tools: We used my Oura Ring to watch sleep trends. Pricey, but helpful for patterns.
Remojo (App) — Score: 7/10
- What it did: Training, lock screen “pause,” and a panic button with quick tasks.
- Real moment: Day 33, late night urge hits. Panic button gave him five fast steps. By step three, the wave passed.
- Pros: Fast, simple, less shame.
- Cons: UI is a bit clunky. Still, it worked in a pinch.
Books that actually helped us talk
- Your Brain on Porn — Simple brain talk. We kept what landed, skipped what didn’t.
- Come As You Are — Helped me understand arousal and stress. It calmed me down.
- Atomic Habits — We made tiny rules: phone in kitchen at night, no laptop in bedroom, morning walk before screens.
For a balanced look at how different adult sites compare on ethics and user experience, Mark and I also skimmed the candid rundowns on Wild Porn Reviews, which gave us context without the usual clickbait.
What flopped for us
- White-knuckle quitting with zero plan. He lasted five days. Then a binge. That sucked.
- Shame games. I tried blame. He shut down. We both lost.
- Supplements alone. L-citrulline helped a little with blood flow, but not with the real issue.
- Endless Reddit scrolls. Lots of “flatline” talk scared him. He needed less fear, more structure.
- Hypnosis—We read a no-fluff review about what actually happened during a hypnosis attempt for porn addiction and decided to skip it for now.
Our timeline (real, not cute)
- Days 1–10: Irritable. Sleepy. Lots of urges at night. We kept our phones in a drawer by 9 p.m.
- Days 11–30: A few slips. Morning wood came back here and there. That was a good sign.
- Days 31–60: More calm. First time we had sex without panic. It wasn’t movie-level great. It was tender. That felt big.
- Days 61–90: Fewer urges. Fewer “check” thoughts. More trust. He said his brain felt “clear.”
His week-by-week experience echoed the stages laid out in this porn addiction recovery timeline, which helped me predict the next curve.
Was there a relapse later? Yep. Work stress after a bad quarter. We caught it fast. We went back to basics: no phone in bed, early walk, check-in call with his therapist. Back on track in a week.
For partners (what I learned the hard way)
- Be kind, but keep boundaries. I asked for honesty. I also asked for filters and a plan. Both can be true.
- Join one habit. I took social media off my phone for a month. We were “in it” together.
- Make space for no-goal touch. Take the scoreboard away. It helps erections come back, weird as that sounds.
- Tiny wins. We said “win” every time we noticed a healthier choice. Cheesy. Also, it worked.
- Explore ethical, real-person sexting. When we were ready to bring some playful spark back without sliding into porn sites, we tried SextLocal—the invite-only space pairs you with verified adults for private, one-to-one sext chats, letting you practice intimacy cues in a safer, more connected way. For couples based in Washington State, if easing back into real-life encounters is on the table, browsing a low-pressure classifieds directory like Backpage Washington can reveal local adults looking for casual coffee dates or conversation, offering a tangible reminder that intimacy with actual people can feel far more grounding than any late-night porn rabbit hole.
Reading another spouse’s raw account of my husband’s porn addiction—what helped and what hurt reminded me I wasn’t alone.